I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
