Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
