If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Alive.
So much puke
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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