i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
