Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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