Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You have to summon your inner elephant
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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