feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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