one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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