Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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