I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
