I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize