There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
