Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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