And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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