Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize