her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
