I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
