Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
