I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
