dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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