roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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