you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
