My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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