You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
