Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
