So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize