Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
