What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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