38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
