now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
