someone threw a dead crab at me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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