:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
