i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
