you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
