You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
