I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
