So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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