jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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