I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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