The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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