i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
