i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
