the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
