I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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