Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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