He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Randomize
