I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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