This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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