capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
