Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
