I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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