just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
