some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize