Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
