he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
