I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
