So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
