I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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