Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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