Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
