3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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