guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
mondays should just be called national damage control day
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
