This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
