Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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