I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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