I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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