Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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