i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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