Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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