96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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