matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
