I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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