May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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