If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
