I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I want a musical about memes.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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