Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize