I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
