That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
