We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize