You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
