Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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