btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
