Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
