Define "chronic" masturbator.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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